Alyssa Dating Profile (aka "Alyssa's Old Dating Doc")
Note: original doc includes photos not captured here. Contains her own email address; no third-party PII beyond a link credit to "Catherio".
\[ADDED: Now happily taken :) \]
Hi!
I'm Alyssa.
You can reach me [here](mailto:alyssamvance@gmail.com).
Want to go out sometime?
\Profile inspired by [Catherio's\]
About Me
I'm Alyssa; I'm a 30-year-old conversational AI engineer living in the San Francisco area. I am a bi trans woman (transitioned in 2012). I'm also a futurist, writer, and science and engineering nerd. I love dogs and hope to get one soon. I'm seeking a long-term relationship with someone cool who I can share my life and adventures with.
I am fairly extroverted, high energy, and have an active social life. I try to seek out and be friends with a wide range of people, and think it's important to get along even when someone has a very different worldview. I have a rule-of-thumb that you should be kind to everyone when you can, and it'll likely help you down the road.
When I look at the world, it always fills me with ideas for projects to build, organizations to start, books to read, secrets to find, and a kaleidoscope of possible futures. Sometimes I build my ideas myself; if I won't have enough time or the right skills, I'll write up my thoughts for a friend or social media site, so someone else can grab it. I like taking initiative to start things when no one else has, or when it feels socially awkward, and I value organizing and planning things reliably. I love truth and beauty and am extremely curious; I get a lot of pleasure from knowing how things work.
I have always taken AI very seriously. To me, it's not just a job, but the most important creation humans have ever made and, ultimately, a project to design our own children as a species. The responsibility is exciting, but can also be scary.
I admire ambition, but don't place much importance on income, credentials, or job titles. My view is that ambition is when you deeply care about doing something well. Especially when it's something that most people wouldn't understand fully. My favorite conversation starter is, "what do you think is really awesome, that others just don't quite get?".
A few of the things I've enjoyed that I think are cool:
- Road-tripping up to Oregon to see the 2017 total eclipse
- Learning how to change the tires on an electric bike with a hub motor
- Figuring out how to do business with banks, so I could sell Bitcoin without having my account closed
- Recreating the Roman Empire in Crusader Kings II
- Signing up to be suspended in liquid nitrogen after my death
- Hiking up Mt. Tam from San Rafael - the view gets better as you go along!
- Writing some software that tried to auto-translate the Voynich manuscript
- Learning Clojure, a functional programming language, to build a new AI database
- Going orienteering, a nature hiking/navigating sport with a map and compass
- Going to a big research library to find books and tapes that aren't available anywhere else
Interesting Stuff
Most dating apps let you "filter" for what you want in a partner - height, education, age, hobbies. But:
- The most important things about a person are tough to put in a checklist.
- Values matter a lot, but who wouldn't say they are honest, kind, and so on?
- Studies show that people suck at knowing who might make them happy anyway.
So instead, I've tried to write up some inspiration for what life might be like together:
Exploration
My personality is very high in "openness to experience". I really love discovering new ideas and new experiences; on the flip side, I might get bored doing the same thing for too long. I am physically sensitive, enjoy touch and feeling new things, and like exploring roles with partners. If aliens ever visited Earth, I'd probably ask to be taken back with them.
A few ideas for novel things we might enjoy doing together someday:
- visiting somewhere new, especially places that are remote, beautiful, or unique in some way
- learning to sing well or compose music with a synthesizer
- taking an interesting or cool university course, just for fun
- going to Burning Man and building an art maze there
- making our own breed of glow-in-the-dark flowers
- practicing salsa or another intimate dance form
- designing and building a new type of robot
- writing a book on something weird that more people should know about
- building a new house together from a construction kit
This is just some brainstorming - if you have your own ideas, that's even better!
Communication
Communication always matters, of course, but it goes much deeper than that. Most of the time, links between people are inhibited. You can't tell your boss what you really think of him, or discuss politics with the wrong friend; it might start a fight. Romance is the best chance we get to break down those barriers, share thoughts and feelings more closely and honestly than anywhere else, and experience the world together. I'm usually thankful when people open up to me, even when it's something they feel is painful or embarrassing. I value openness a lot; it isn't always easy, but I want to work to help get there and would love it if you joined me.
I enjoy a huge variety of conversational topics, everything from physics to history to social dynamics to building codes. Sometimes, I feel like the only "bad" topics are ones where themes go round and round in loops, like a broken record or Twitter flamewar. I'd probably prefer talking with you quite a bit; at a guess, maybe an hour or more on an average day.
Problem Solving
It's super cool when two people can count on each other to tackle challenges. That might include personal issues like bad commutes, missing luggage or a fight with an old enemy; fun goals like beating Dark Souls 2; or outside problems like supporting family or making the world better. I love finding and trying creative solutions - many 'impossible' knots just haven't been seen from the right angle. (Getting advice from friends or books helps!)
One trait of my own is that, when something really matters to me, I can be very determined. If at first you don't succeed, maybe the second try will work, or the 5th, or the 27th. I remember being stuck at a boating camp years ago, waiting for a missing ferry, and trying cellphones, radios, text messages, friend relays, finding charter services, borrowing a smaller boat, inflatable rafts, and just swimming to shore before we finally got through. It was frustrating then, but I'd choose being determined and finding a way over feeling passive, like a victim of fate.
Potential Issues
A few things I probably wouldn't enjoy:
- Being especially zealous about political, religious, or other identity labels, since they often make people less fun, and easier to manipulate. (For me, there's a big difference between goals, like "reform elections", and group identity labels like "communist" or "Muslim".)
- Having deeply felt needs that were only hinted at or kept bottled up. Please tell me! I care about you.
- Being relied on to fix someone's deep-seated mental patterns. It feels amazing to love a partner, help them out or make them happy, but you can't control another person's thoughts.
- Having little spare energy to spend on chatting, connecting, doing and learning things; it would probably get boring after a while.
- Being a "unicorn" for an existing couple.
Polyamory
Many friends of mine are polyamorous (having multiple romantic partners at once). I am looking for a primary or monogamous partner, and want to date someone who isn't already married or otherwise strongly attached. In my experience, quickly forming relationships, falling in love, and then breaking up repeatedly causes lots of drama and bad feelings, so it usually hurts rather than helps.
Location
Right now, I'm in the San Francisco Bay Area. I've wrapped up a major project recently, so I'm unusually mobile and could potentially relocate for the right person. So far, I've enjoyed spending time in New York, Boston, and London; some things I'd think about when choosing a home are the quality of intellectual and business life, strong aesthetics, and political/social stability. Physical contact is important, so I wouldn't want to stay remote for too long.
Kids
I don't have kids right now, but might decide to have them in the next ~five years, although I can't get pregnant myself. (Yet!) I'd be especially interested in having kids with a partner who was more reliable, stable, dedicated, and really enjoyed spending time with children. Given the time commitment, both of us would probably have to take breaks from some other projects to focus on kids; if we could trade off sometimes with a larger group with shared responsibilities, that would be even better. I think kids should generally be allowed more freedom and autonomy than American society recommends at any given age. (Most changes in parenting style won't affect a kid's adult life much, but they definitely affect how much fun a family has then and there.)
Reaching Out
Come find me at <alyssamvance@gmail.com>! I'm also on Facebook, Twitter, and Discord.